When couples go through the loss of miscarriage

We have so many couples that go through this loss. Miscarriage is really sad, and  most likely understood only by those who have gone through it. A dear friend of mine asked me to write about this subject because she is having a hard time going through it. Miscarriage is the loss of pregnancy. Some people who have not gone through it might find it hard to understand why it is so sad, after all, the baby isn't born yet. But let me explain you how this whole thing is like, and why is it so hard to go through. When a couple finds out that they are pregnant, hope and joy burst into fireworks. The very first time a woman and a man are told they are becoming a mother and a father, hope fills up their hearts. Will the baby be a boy or a girls? What is he or she going to look like? What is his or her favorite hobby will be? Will she become a ballerina or he a doctor? I know it sounds crazy, but deep inside our hearts we have all kinds of hope. We also develop a reality about becoming parents. Miscarriage is  the loss of all of the above. It's the mourn of our hopes and dreams, we mourn that motherly and fatherly love towards someone so perfect and special. But overall, we mourn the life that will never  be. Both men and women mourn the miscarriage in a different way.

Women tend to blame themselves and their bodies for failing them with the most important task of being a woman: Giving life.  For the mothers-not-to-be it is a heavy burden. Miscarriage is a loss. Sometimes getting pregnant after a miscarriage is specially hard.Even looking at other women pregnant gives them a jealous, why not me feeling Women often blame themselves for nor being able to keep their baby alive inside their womb. The loss of tenderness in their breast, the feather-like tickle inside is gone, the mid-night cravings are not longer there, and the most important thing, the life they were keeping alive has vanished. Man have a hard time as well. Most man appear to be stronger than their partners, even though inside, they also have to mourn thei loss. They will not hold their precious baby in their arms. They also have the extra burden of being strong for their partner. More than often, they have to be the strong pillar. Man will have to be there for their woman, who is very depressed. The miscarriage is particularly stronger if it was the loss of the first child. Some women who lost their first child might develop depression and it is always recommended to visit a physician to look over those symptoms, besides of course the OB/GYN. Some women who have had children already might find some solace in holding their kids. One symptom that is very common when a woman has had other kids is that she might become over-protective. She will feel that she must keep the other kids safe, because she understands how much harder it will be to loose one of them. Man feel the responsibility to carry on.  To remind his partner how much he loves her and that even though it might feel like it is the end of the world, it really isn't. Man have loss a child too, so women must love them and understand that the loss is share. Loving each-other is the only way to keep on keeping on.

The mourning of miscarriage can not be forced out. It will take its course. It is hard to get over with. Some people around us that don't quite understand, they try to  tell us to move on and bless their heart, try to motivate us to get over it. But it just won't work like that. The best thing when a miscarriage occurs is to find support. Facebook has several groups with people that are going through the same thing. It is good to be understood in that moment. The best way to go is to understand that your baby will always be your little angel.

For all those ANGEL MOMS and DADS remember:
1. A miscarriage is a loss for both mother and father, so be supportive to your partner.
2. Be honest about your feelings, hiding them will only bottled them up, and it can always explode in your face.
3. Nobody knows what the future will bring, but right now, love the blessings that you have, especially your partner.

To all those angel babies: Sleep tight, beautiful angels!

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Tips for Friends and Families of Couples Dealing with Miscarriage

We created this page with the hope to help in those hard times. We understand how hard is to even start talking about pregnancy loss and still birth. Most people don't understand why we mourn the loss of a life that will never become in this world. Here is a page you can share with your friends and family and everybody you want so they can understand what is going on and what are the best ways to help out. From our heart to yours!

*Listen and Understand*
Miscarriage is the loss of pregnancy, but the sadness is not only due to a physical loss. When a woman and a man find out that they are going to be parents hope fills their hearts. Hope for that baby to be healthy, for a healthy pregnancy, for a birth, they can imagine they baby in their arms,feeding their baby, playtime, teaching their child to walk, to talk, to read and write, seeing their child graduating from high school and even going to college and becoming a professional. All those dreams die when the pregnancy stops. It is a sudden loss. The reason I am telling you this is because you must understand how painful a miscarriage or a still birth can be. It is truly a loss and we mourn that loss. Often just being there to listen is great. Keep in mind that people going through this may feel guilty for dumping on you, or are afraid of not being understood. They may be afraid to upset you, and sometimes the pain is so hard to even start talking. Be supportive.

*Bring Food and Help Out*
When we went through this, and I would have to be at work all day. There were several times when I would get home and find a neighbor sitting on the couch talking with my wife with a meal on the table waiting for us. It was a great help. It doesn't need to be fancy. I know for us, we really didn't want to eat anyways. I ate because I knew that I had to. It took a while for us to want to eat again or enjoy it. I am the wife. I will always remember those sweet people who were eager to help. Be sure to help with the older kids. Sometimes the depression and sadness is so strong it is hard to jump back into everyday life.

*Give a hug*
What can I say, sometimes the best things are the simplest.
I remember the first time that my Dad saw my wife after the miscarriage, he just gave her a big hug and told her that if she needed any more, there were plenty more. He said that a friend had told him to just be quiet and give her a hug.

*Respect Boundaries*
Keep in mind that at this time, people will be far more touchy than usual. Unfortunatly, there is no easy answer as to where the boundary will be. Some people will need to talk and others will need to just carry on. All you can do is to be there for them and try to respond to what they need. Always let them know you care, and offer to help with anything they need. Thank you for caring. Deep inside our hearts we have imprinted the love of those who were there for us. I know any effort you make, even reading this page, will be highly appreciated.

Dont Cry for me Daddy

I found this today and it made me cry. I don't know who wrote it, but this is a very inspirational very touching poem that reminds us that just because our little ones may be gone, we have not forgotten them and they will never forget us. This was written for dads but it is just as applicable for moms as well. Miscarriage, Stillborn, and infant death affects everyone, and this can help anyone who is dealing with any of these sad moments.


Don’t cry for me daddy,

I am right here.

Although you cant see me,

I can see your tears.

I visit you often,

go to work

with you each day.

And when it’s time too close your eyes,...

On your pillow is where I lay.

I hold your hand and stroke your hair,

And whisper in your ear,

If your sad today daddy,

remember I am here.

God took me home,

this we know is true,

But you will always be my daddy,

Even though I’m not with you,

I am daddy’s little boy.

We will never be apart,

For every time you think of me,

Please know I am in your heart

Love,
your little boy.

Mommy Your Never Alone

This poem is by Marie Nielsen, a dear friend who went through miscarriage. It made me cry. I want to share it with you all.

Mommy, you are never alone.
I know your your heart aches, and your arms are empty,
But mommy, you are never alone.
Soon I departed up above and became an angel of the Lord.
Since early time I felt your warmth, I heard your voice, I felt your heart,
I could always feel your love and I knew I was never alone.
I am there when you wake up, as a ray of sunshine is my love.
I know you wish I was still here.
But feel my love, I am right here.
When the night comes up it’s by your side I lay and rest,
I stroke your hair and cuddle near your chest.
But mommy don’t be sad.
I am with you in every step you take.
Don’t be sad mommy dear,
When you feel sad remember I am here.
Don’t cry for me mommy,
Feel my whisper in your heart,
We will never be apart.

A Poem for my Angel

"Although you are not here for now, you have left us something beautiful behind. I know the day will come when I can hold you in my arms and we will be together forever."

Marie Nielsen